Mike Phillips

Nickname:
Complete Twat

Real name:
Mike Phillips

Age:
Physical 43, Mental 12

Height:
of physical perfection

Weight:
This is a highly guarded secret known only to a select few, though somewhere between Hippopotamus and Sperm Whale is probably not a bad guess

Occupation:
Odd Job Man

Position:
Ten yards behind the play, though his stomach always seems to be there or thereabouts

Tries:
To drink more than anyone else (Fails miserably)

Conversions:
He has recently changed from eating Chicken Bhuna to Beef Curry, at his local Chinese

Awards:
Most penalties conceded in a single game

Injuries:
Are likely if he falls on you